The One Handed Update

As mentioned previously it looks like I did a number on my right arm. Things have improved quite a bit since my last post though I’m still limited to typing one handed. I would say I’m at about 80% use of both my arm and hand as the doctor suggested and each day brings minor improvements. Hopefully I’ll be posting in full form again soon as I’ve got a lot of topics I want to discuss.

I still can’t write so the last few weeks of Thai classes where we’re learning to read and write in Thai script have been difficult. Actually, I have better comprehension of the reading due to the fact I process characters better than vocabulary. I’ve also purchased several children’s books designed for Thai youngsters first learning to write so I’ll put in the extra time picking up the mechanical skills once I can write again. The look on the cashier’s face when I buy Thai children’s books is priceless.

One of the things I realized the other day is that there is a certain freedom living in an environment where you don’t really understand the language. You can sit in a restaurant or on the sky train and the conversations going on around you never enter your active consciousness. You live in your own little world.

As you begin to learn the language more and more you can pick out words and phrases and your mind begins to become active in what’s going on around you. Your little refuge of solitude is invaded and is no longer yours.

An example of that happened to me the other night. After going to Korean BBQ dinner (lesson: trying to eat with chopsticks left-handed is pretty much useless if you’re right-handed) out in the boonies (10 min taxi ride past the farthest train stop) to celebrate the birthday of a friend’s wife I ended up stopping by another friend’s bar in central Bangkok for a nightcap on the way home.

The place was dead. The owner (my friend) wasn’t even there. The only customers were some guy playing pool with the two girls he had brought with him. One of the gals was obviously his girlfriend and the other seemed to be her tagalong friend.

I pulled up at a seat near where the cashier was sitting and the waitress and bartender joined us as we caught up with each other. I asked the trio if they wanted a drink and the bartender went to get us a round.

Out of nowhere pool guy’s girlfriend is standing next to me and asks “Buy drink for me too?” To be honest for a second I was speechless as the request violates so many rules of Thai etiquette that I was temporarily in shock. When I finally could muster a response I simply smiled and said “Sorry, no.”

She pressed asking why not and I said to her “I have three reasons. 1. I don’t know you. 2. I try to make it a rule not to buy drinks for women who are already with a guy. And third and most importantly, you have a full drink sitting right in front of you. You don’t need a drink.”

She did the old Thai huff women do when they don’t get their way and walked away. I thought that was the end of it.

But then she shouted in Thai to the bartender that the “farang khii nok” won’t buy her a drink.

You ever have a moment where if your life was a television show or movie there would the sound of a record being scratched? Yeah, it was like that.

The staff in the bar know I speak some Thai and I’m taking classes but I rarely speak in Thai with them. What they were unsure of was whether or not I understood what was just said. They all looked at me saucer-eyed like deer caught in the headlights.

Oh to be able to live in that world of not understanding. But, unfortunately, I not only understood it but understood what “farang khii nok” means.

Literally it means westerner + bird shit so bird shit westerner. But it’s also a slang term in Thai to call someone a stingy foreigner, which seemed to be her meaning here. And in Thailand calling someone a stingy foreigner is a much bigger insult than merely calling someone cheap back home.

So I calmly turned around to her and all in Thai I said, “No, the farang is not stingy. The farang doesn’t want to buy you a drink. Don’t speak in Thai because you think farang doesn’t understand. ” I don’t know why Bill decided to talk about Bill in the third person. Maybe Bill thought it added dramatic effect.

Instead of the huff I got before she sort of slinked away with her drink to the other side of the bar. When her boyfriend finished his game with her friend she told everyone she wanted to go and they left.

Nobody said anything about it until the door closed behind them and the cashier jumped up and high-fived me (btw, the gal in the first photo from the Halloween pics is the cashier).

Hmmm … what else is going on?

Oh the quickest way to get me to punch you in the face is if you ask me what street I live on and I tell you Ratchadamri and you ask “Ratchada?” I’m really not sure why Thais have a fetish for only listening to part of what you say but there is Ratchadapisek which people commonly call Ratchada Rd and Ratchadamri which hosts two of the country’s best hotels (Grand Hyatt and The Four Seasons), one of the best known temples/shrines (Erawan), and the second largest shopping center (Central World). Ratchadamri also has two major sky train stops (Ratchadamri and Chit Lom). Despite all of that 50% of all taxi drivers will ask “Ratchada” whenever you say “Ratchadamri.”

What makes it even worse is you say “No. Ra Tcha Dam Ri. Damri. Ratchadamri” and they counter “Ratchada?” I’ve asked Thai friends if I mispronounce the name or say it in a way that is could be misunderstood and have been assured that my pronunciation is correct and easy to understand so I have no clue what the confusion is.

It’s like one night when I wanted to help at a charity event feeding the homeless. We were meeting at Democracy Monument. I stopped five different taxis and none of them knew where Democracy Monument was. I even described the area and the surrounding landmarks but they would claim to know and then offer to take me to the landmark they recognized rather than where I was asking to go.

I was so tilted at that point I didn’t bother to flag down a sixth taxi and just went home.

What else?

Oh, last night was the Loy Krathong festival. Basically they make small little boats about the size of a dinner plate out of banana leaves and decorate them with flowers and candals and then send them afloat on the rivers and canals. Really quite beautiful to watch.

Asking Thais about the meaning of certain festivals or Buddhist customs is like asking someone to explain what the Easter Bunny has to do with the resurrection of Christ. The version of Loy Krathong I commonly hear is that it is to obtain good luck from the river angel. But some versions also throw in something about asking for forgiveness for polluting the river.

They also do beauty contests as part of the celebration. The girls dress up in traditional Thai outfits and look absolutely stunning.

Highly recommended.

Anything else?

Asians dig some crazy stuff. Go into a 7-11 or any sort of quick-mart and you will see some of the craziest flavors ever. In the mood for some sea weed and fiery pepper flavored potato chips?

I screen grabbed this page off of McDonald’s Thai site (click to enlarge). Yes, Spinach Pie is marketed as a desert. So is Corn Pie. Another that they don’ feature here but the advertise at my local Micky D’s is Broccoli Pie. Mmmmm … good.

You can even get corn as a topping on your ice cream in some ice cream shops. Corn? Who thought of that one?

Anyway, that’s it for me. Took me three days to write this so hope the hand is back in full form by next week and I can write about something interesting.